Saturday, November 10, 2012

10 Things Nobody Told Me About Having Boys!

I sometimes wonder if I was properly prepared for having 5 kids, 4 of whom are little boys.  After all, no one handed me the instructions manual that explained what makes boys tick!  So I’ve decided to write the Cole’s Notes version, just for you!  Share it if you know someone who also never received the manual!

1. Bonking SticksIf there’s fighting that involves bonking each other with a stick, then it’s smiles all around for my boys.  When I say “sticks”, I use this word loosely.  A stick can be anything like a broom handle, vacuum cleaner nozzle or even toothbrushes attached to one another by elastics.

2. Gone in 30 secondsTo date, nothing has survived the destructive nature of my boys.  They’re kind of like Hurricane Sandy, except she didn’t break every new toy in sight in 30 seconds or less.  Yes, I’m equating my sons to a hurricane.

3. Superhero Overkill Boys love superheroes, it’s a fact!  So pack up your bags now if you don’t want to see every shirt and pair of briefs in your house stamped with the face of Spiderman, Superman, Ironman, Batman or some other hero.  I’m serious. 

4. Ball Magnetism Boys are attracted to balls, the way that moths are drawn to a flame.  It doesn’t matter what type of ball: tennis ball, soccer ball or super bouncy ball.  Give a boy a ball, he will entertain himself for hours bouncing the ball off your best ceramic vase, through your glass window pane, or flushing it down the toilet.  

5. If You Sprinkle, When You Tinkle… Talking about the toilet, much can be said about my boys and this subject.  Topics that come to mind include Missed Urination (ie: playing on the iPhone while peeing and missing the toilet bowl entirely), Public Urination (the love of peeing in the great outdoors), and Pee Revenge (squirting your brother with a drop of pee or two when he steps out of line).  It’s a boy thing.  

6. A Bear’s AppetiteIt doesn’t matter how old your son is, from a very young age he will eat you out of house and home.  No one tells you that this starts right at birth.  Standing between the refrigerator and 4 hungry boys, is akin to standing between a mother bear and her cub.  (I hear it only gets worse in the teen years.)

7. Ah, Sweet Risk-Taking! - If there’s an element of danger or risk-taking in an activity, it instantly becomes more appealing to the boys.  Risk-taking can be anything like eating an old hotdog found on the kitchen floor, sitting on the top shelf of the closet, or pushing close to a dead animal in the street.  The greater the risk, the sweeter the reward. 

8. All Pumped UpGive my boys a bicycle pump and they will pump and inflate for hours on end!  Try to take it away from them, and they’ll bonk you with a stick!  I haven’t yet cracked this phenomenon, but put a bunch of boys in a room with a pump and try your own social experiment.  

9. Family FeudTo my boys, fighting with one another is a happy diversion, a sport.  Wrestling brings a grin, a karate chop to the ribs brings a smile, and kicking a brother in the pants causes all around hysterics!  I count a scrape nightly, a fresh bruise weekly, and a chipped tooth monthly.

10. Dumb & Dumber Yes, my boys actually fight over who claims the title of dumb and who claims the title of dumber.  It goes something like this: “I’m dumber!”  BASH!  “No, I’m dumber!”  BASH!  “NO, I really am dumber!”  BASH!  Until both boys are laying down side-by-side weeping.  And yet neither boy makes a move to get up and leave his tormentor.

This article was written by me, Jenna Em, and appears in the November 13th, 2012 issue of the Huffington Post.

19 comments:

  1. I can definitely related to those with my 2 boys....

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  2. Oh my Gosh! Lol I only have one boy, but I grew up with 3 brothers. I had a flashback with your post of some of the trouble we got into, all because of them of course! Lol!

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  3. Sounds like I have a lot to look forward to with my little boy. :)

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  4. I definitely notice a difference between my son and daughter...but love experiencing one of each lol. At least you have your daughter to balance it all out ;) hahaha!! Boys will be boys!! Just wait until the teenage years...OYE!

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  5. lmao! This made me remember when my son (now 15) was younger. My second is a girl so it's a completely different thing. Though she's all about ball and stick bonking too.

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  6. I have one boy and I can definitely relate! Ha, ha.

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  7. lol yes so true, my boys prefer to pee outside, they will even go out to pee and come right back in lol as if going to the washroom is really that far away! my boys are super picky though and hardly eat a thing.

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  8. You forgot to mention that they never outgrow it. I'm serious. I'm not sure what happens to my sensitive and loving husband when he is around his brother and all-male-group-of-cousins. I'm the only in-law - I hang with his Mom and try to remember that I cannot see or hear them.

    No kids yet, but I decided no boys. Sorry. Can't take it. I grew up in a house of all girls. Really can't take it!!!!

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  9. haha - you forgot to say that they never outgrow it.

    I'm always amazed at my sensitive and "adult" husband when he gets together with his brother and his slew of cousins (who all happen to be male except ONE). I tend to go into the "quiet" room with his Mom and Aunts and his one little girl cousin.

    I don't know if I can handle raising boys - I grew up in an all-girls household...gentle, clean, quiet. Not sure I can deal with anything else!

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  10. OMG, this is such great insight into the world of boys. I love it when mommys to boys share. So different from girls but, let me tell you girls have a destructive ways about them too!

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  11. omg, I laughed so hard at this. You are like spot on with this list. Oh boys will be boys

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  12. Wow! Four boys must be craziness. I have one boy with ADD and he is a huge handful! Can only imagine a bunch of em!

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  13. Hahahaha! Yes to all! I only have one boy but he has proven all things listed here to be true!

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  14. I only have the one boy, but I can agree with all of this, especially about the food and no 1? This week it was the closet rod. And you totally left off the love of nakedness and the fascination with private parts.

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  15. This is totally awesome and spot on! I have a little boy so I look forward to a lot of these!

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  16. I almost peed my pants reading your list! I am a mom of 2 boys and I have to agree that your list is pretty accurate, especially the dumb and dumber!

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